the importance of morning

I made a discovery yesterday. I was sitting outside with a friend, trying to work through the awkward lulls in conversation that have been far too frequent lately . . . and I looked up at the sky. it was so blue. I looked at the sky, and the buildings, and the sky again . . .and I could feel the natural calming blue of the sky creeping into me through my eyes and soothing my troubled spirit. It was a good feeling. It changed the course of my day. AM was bad, PM was good.

last night I showered before I went to bed so that if I woke up late this morning I would be able to get ready quickly and mosie on over to work in a timely fashion. with the depression I've been going through lately, it's been near impossible to wake up in the mornings. it's just another symptom that my mind is trying to process black . . . and it's too caught up in the moment to hear the alarm when it rings. luckily for me though, it wasn't hard to get out of bed today. I believe that the blue sky moment yesterday really changed something in me. before the blue sky moment, I knew what I needed to do to kick this bout of depression . . .but the depression was so strong that I didn't have the motivation to do what I needed to do. after the moment, I felt a tiny bit of motivation again. I stretched my happy muscles and started back on the journey of climbing out of the hole. that's the only way I can explain it. I feel like the black is finally starting to dissipate, and maybe now I can catch some sunlight in my days.

I'm looking forward to a good weekend. I've come to realize over the course of my life that your mind set can make all the difference in how you are. a depressed individual honestly can't find the strength to be happy . . . it seems an impossible task. but it sure is nice when the clouds break for a moment and that person is able to squeeze enough energy out of the moment to boot themselves up again.

I'm off to see the wizard now . . .the wizard of the human psyche. Dr. J is a good man. He helps me sort out a lot of emotions. It will be good to just sit and chat for a while.