when the coat is on, there's something wrong . . .

chemically

a sort of sudden slump in mood this afternoon left me feeling very blue - and so I put my coat on, and I really don't want to take it off. It acts as a comfort to me - almost as if I were wrapped in my covers at home. I took the elevator down to the second floor and walked in the general direction of the lounge. They have nice comfy couches in there that have served as a respite from the throes of depression during many a lunch break. As I turned the corner I could see the sunlight streaming through the windows of the covered walkway to the parking garage - beckoning me to come out and stay a while. I stood there for about a minute - talking it out in my head. reason chimed in "it's chemical - it's the depression - some sunlight will kick it out of your system" - and the chemicals chimed back "just go lay down. let yourself think. you need the quiet."

while weighing the options in my mind, I found a small bottle of breath spray in my left coat pocket and clicked the cap open and shut over and over again . . . and then I turned to the right and headed for the lounge. the couches were soft and the room was empty - so I proceeded to sing a little song and cry a few chemical tears

Michelle, ma belle.
Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble,
Très bien ensemble.

Michelle, ma belle.
These are words that go together well,
My Michelle.

I love you, I love you, I love you
I'd love to make you see
how much you mean to me

until I do I'm hoping you will know and understand

and then I went and got some soup.

It's chemical. That's what I'm saying here. I can always tell when it is - because I will be sad for no apparent reason. Just sad. I'm going to force myself to go for a walk as soon as I get home tonight. I should have listened to reason earlier today, but I didn't - and now I'm wearing my coat around the office.

The song isn't really significant - it's merely a tangent of thought that came as I was thinking about my friend michelle. It helped me get the emotion out - which is what I needed at the time. I'm grateful for song as an outlet of emotion.