swinging into view

blogging has definitely been on my mind lately. Sometimes I feel as though I need to catch up, but I figure it'll be much easier to just start from here on out.

I've lost 27 pounds over the past year. That's a great source of joy and peace in my life. And I continue to lose as I continue to live.

I really like John Matt. I'm so happy when I'm with him. He makes me smile and laugh, he tells me I'm beautiful, he's smart. But (and there's always a but) he can't trust himself with me. So we decided to take a sabbatical. Silly term for taking a break, but it works. We're not dating for a while. We're friends. It's difficult to break the habit of holding his hand or kissing him goodnight. It's difficult to stand my ground and "be good". It's going to require patience in large doses. Can I do it? Yes. Will we go back to dating once the sabbatical is over? We'll see.

Fall is swinging in fast. The mornings are colder and the daylight leaves quickly. Summer nights fade fast. I'm reminded of years past and friends come and gone. Some of them stick around faithfully. Some of them swing into my view momentarily and then swing back away with promises of contact soon.

I've had 4 very good friends get married this year. They all lived on my street. 3 of them lived in the same house at one point. 1 of them lived with me for a while. I see this year as a year of change in many ways for me. There's a song that I've enjoyed for a while now. Gathering Dust by David Gray.

I got no reason
but that I must.
Maybe I feel
like I've been gathering dust.
I must leave this harbor for the sea.
I'm too young to settle down and make a home.
But I don't know where I'm wanting to be . . .
I just know I'll have to be there alone.

Stole my time.
All my time.
Spent my time . . . for you

Now the wind it is blowing
blowing leaves from the trees.
I got no use knowing that with time it will ease.
I don't know where I'm going,
hope I get there soon.
Cause my soul it is hollow as the sorrowful moon.

See the sun spread wings of gold
as the dawn unfurls.
Hear the song that the moon sings
to the darkened world.
Feel the fire lighting
in the bitter cold
It's the light that shines
through the windows of your soul.

This song is motivating. It speaks of moving on. It speaks of going into darkness alone. It speaks of the light that comes after testing and trial . . . through the windows of your soul. I've felt that light before - the light that seems to soften the cold corners of my soul.

This weekend I plan to go through all of my papers to be filed. I have a big laundry basket full of them. I also plan to walk my dog - perhaps in the mountains. Naps will be taken, books will be read, friends will be laughed with. Most importantly, spirits will be lifted through the joys of Sunday worship. I can feel it now - and it makes me want to sing. Perhaps I will ;)