I think I'll go for a walk outside now . . .

I turned left and took a walk during my lunch break today. It was the longest lunch break I've ever had - I swear - even though it was only about 30 minutes long. I put on my headphones and listened to plans - starting with "what sarah said". The 3 block radius that I covered was strangely fascinating. As I walked I had many memories come back to me. Downtown provo is beautiful to me. It feels safe and homey. I'm grateful for the memories that I've built there and the friendships I can associate with those memories. I took a few pictures on my cell phone to document the occasion and I'm hoping to continue with a daily adventure.

when the coat is on, there's something wrong . . .

chemically

a sort of sudden slump in mood this afternoon left me feeling very blue - and so I put my coat on, and I really don't want to take it off. It acts as a comfort to me - almost as if I were wrapped in my covers at home. I took the elevator down to the second floor and walked in the general direction of the lounge. They have nice comfy couches in there that have served as a respite from the throes of depression during many a lunch break. As I turned the corner I could see the sunlight streaming through the windows of the covered walkway to the parking garage - beckoning me to come out and stay a while. I stood there for about a minute - talking it out in my head. reason chimed in "it's chemical - it's the depression - some sunlight will kick it out of your system" - and the chemicals chimed back "just go lay down. let yourself think. you need the quiet."

while weighing the options in my mind, I found a small bottle of breath spray in my left coat pocket and clicked the cap open and shut over and over again . . . and then I turned to the right and headed for the lounge. the couches were soft and the room was empty - so I proceeded to sing a little song and cry a few chemical tears

Michelle, ma belle.
Sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble,
Très bien ensemble.

Michelle, ma belle.
These are words that go together well,
My Michelle.

I love you, I love you, I love you
I'd love to make you see
how much you mean to me

until I do I'm hoping you will know and understand

and then I went and got some soup.

It's chemical. That's what I'm saying here. I can always tell when it is - because I will be sad for no apparent reason. Just sad. I'm going to force myself to go for a walk as soon as I get home tonight. I should have listened to reason earlier today, but I didn't - and now I'm wearing my coat around the office.

The song isn't really significant - it's merely a tangent of thought that came as I was thinking about my friend michelle. It helped me get the emotion out - which is what I needed at the time. I'm grateful for song as an outlet of emotion.

I'm Back!

Wow! I really fell off of the blogger bandwagon . . . and it's not because I didn't have things to talk about. The last time I really blogged was in July, and many things have happened since July. Here's a brief list:

1. I saw Death Cab for Cutie perform and loved every minute of it. Ben was amazing. He's a true musician through and through.

2. I went to Hawaii! yeah, I know, that's a pretty big story in and of itself. It was beautiful and relaxing, but there were things that I wish had been different. I hope to go again someday with people that I love.

3. I began another semester of school . . . the semester that I have appropriately titled my B semester. It was a rough one. The classes weren't that hard, but it was very hard for me to get into the material. I didn't give my all. Sometimes it's just hard to give your full undivided attention.

4. I saw Dashboard Confessional perform. It was a fun concert and I enjoyed it up until the last song when the crowd went overboard and my face became painfully acquainted with the gentleman's shoulder in front of me. I decided then and there that from here on out I will be purchasing seated tickets whenever I can. General admission just aint for me anymore.

5. I went and visited my sister and her cute little family in Virginia. My nephews kept me happy the whole time. I played trains with Seth and spent as much time with Luke as I possibly could. They are both so adorable.

6. There was a terrible storm in Texas that caused flooding and casualties. That storm just happened to occur when I was supposed to come home from Virginia. My initial flight home was cancelled, so I was rebooked for a flight the next day. Storms continued, and my 2nd flight was delayed for about 5 hours. When we finally touched down in Houston I immediately called the airline to check the status of my connecting flight, only to find out that I missed it by a few minutes. I spent the night in the Houston airport and learned 1 very important thing. We're all in this together. People are kind, generous and loving. Although my night in the airort was emotionally draining and sleepless, I made some friends and eventually I made it home safe and sound.

7. I moved. I lived with my sister for 3 years, and it was time for a change. I needed roommates. So, I moved down the street and now I have 2 fabulous roommates. Don't worry - my sister and I are still good friends - sometimes a change will do you good though.

8. One of my roommates happens to be named Emily and she's fabulous. On the outside, we're very different, but on the inside we're like twins. She has made my life much happier.

9. I dressed up as the Nu Skin highrise for Halloween. The costume took me many hours, and it was a hit. I didn't win any prizes for it, but it was fun.

10. I saw Imogen perform again - and this time she was even better. I walked away feeling like I had just experienced the best concert of my life. A guy named Kid Beyond opened for her. He's a beatboxer who uses live looping to create his songs - and it's all him. I can't rave about it enough . . . he's just amazing. Watch the ableton video and you'll know what I mean www.kidbeyond.com

11. I went to another amazing concert in Park City during the sundance film festival. The best part of it was that it was free and we got to see some really incredible talent. I was there for priscilla ahn - and she was fabulous - but everybody else who performed was fabulous as well. It was all part of the hotel cafe tour. As a surprise to us all, Mandy Moore showed up and performed songs from her upcoming album. Em and I felt so lucky - we were just in the right place at the right time. I was the only person in the crowd who actually got to talk to her, cause she was standing right by me for about 5 minutes. It was fun and exciting to meet someone that famous.

and that's about it. I've been in music discovery mode again. Hotel Cafe turned me on to a lot of new artists - and even though I hate myspace for too many reasons to note, it has been an excellent way for me to find lots of really great independent artists. It's a fabulous tool for those times when I just want to find something fresh and new.

Currently Listening: Andrew Bird
Most recent discovery of note: Colbie Caillat
Best discovery of the year so far: Greg Laswell

Other discoveries of note since my last post:
Priscilla Ahn
Kate Havnevik
Milosh
Ms. John Soda
Psapp
Matt Kearney
Dave Barnes
Alexi Murdoch