Two HUGE Accomplishments

1. I passed my Math Class! I just got the email from my instructor and I got a B. Phew!

2. Today was the last day of my sugar-free month. I went all month* without any sweets of any sort.

I am quite happy, if I do say so myself.

(*I took the sugar free challenge with 3 fellow coworkers. we were allowed to "reward" ourselves at the 1/2 way mark - so I had cake to celebrate my sisters birthday on the 15th)

roadblock

I just stumbled upon a pretty fun game. If anybody is feeling like they need a break, give this a spin. It's a good brain-teasing game. I got to level 17. I wonder how many there are?

elliott's wall

I had a lengthy dream this afternoon that had quite an emotional impact on me that I thought I would like to share here. I'm also going to invite Geo to post it in her dreamblog if she should feel so inclined.

I was on vacation in California. I've been wanting to go there for a while now, just to get away and particularly to see the ocean. I was with a friend in the dream, although I don't remember who it was. When we arrived in LA, we didn't know where we were. As soon as I found out that we were in LA, I immediately said "I've got to go see Elliott's wall!"

Elliott's wall is in fact a real place on Sunset Blvd where Elliott Smith shot the cover for "Figure 8" - the last album that he released while he was living.
I do indeed have a very strong desire to visit Elliott's wall, and I think that this dream increased that desire exponentially.

Back to the dream: My friend and I were walking through a large corridor full of people, and I just turned to the nearest person - a girl with short blonde hair - and asked if she knew where the elliott memorial was. she said "yeah, I'm headed there right now." So we walked and walked and walked, and it actually ended up taking us much longer to get there than we thought. It was practically hidden. When we finally arrived, I was a bit upset that there were so many people there. I kind of wanted this to be my own experience, but then I realized that the wall sat adjacent to a park and there was a lake nearby (not at all true in reality, but it made the dream interesting).

As I approached the wall I began to worry because it looked worn and faded, but then when I finally got to it, I realized that it had been painted over! I was absolutely crushed. The park owners had just painted over it - the day before. Outlines of the previous red and black stripes could vaguely be seen through the paint, but I was sure that the memorials that had been written by fans must have been ruined. As I stood there, I saw one man off to the side rubbing his thumb up and down on the wall, trying to rub the paint off - and he was actually succeeding! I started doing the same, and as I progressed, I realized that as I worked, I could peel whole portions of paint off. So I went to work. rubbing and peeling, trying to bring back the only piece of elliott that I may be able to touch and see in this life. The paint had an interesting consistency to it - almost like rubber cement. As you pulled on it, it stretched.

After hours of work, I was able to get the top half of the wall uncovered, but the bottom half was untouchable for some reason. The paint had blurred the previously clear red and black lines, but I could vaguely make out a few of the things that had been written there before. I stepped back and took a look at my handiwork, and then I left - knowing that the next day the park officials would come back and paint over the wall again.

I think that this dreams meaning was two-fold. The most pressing feeling I get when I think about it is how badly I want to go and see that wall - and I'd better do it soon! Secondly, I think that the dream points to the importance of allowing people's legacy to live on after they've left this life. I would hope that we can preserve and respect the accomplishments that our loved ones leave behind and not "paint" over them.

I guess I'd better stop wishing and book a trip to the west coast. Elliott, here I come.

Black Sky Moment

I just had a moment that totally reminded me of the blue sky moment that I had quite a while ago, only this time, rather than a blue sky seeping into me, it was a black sky - with all of it's beautiful stars shining down on me. They were so clear, I was taken aback - and I just stood there with my head back for a couple of minutes. And then, just as I felt when the blue sky moment occured, I felt peace upon my soul and I knew that everything is going to be OK. It's not that I had a particularly difficult night. In fact, I had a really good night - and a good day for that matter, but there are times when God just taps you on the shoulder and reminds you that He's there, He's watching over you, and everything is going to be OK.

I'm really grateful for my black sky moment, because it served as a reminder to me that there are many things in my life that have never changed and will never change. As I looked up at the stars tonight, I saw the same stars that I saw as a child when my older sister pointed out the big dipper for me. The same stars that I wished upon. The same stars that I threw my heart out to. Oh how I love nature and its constantly adapting yet never really changing nature . . . Just as we should be. Although my life has taken me many places and I've fought many battles, my soul is still intact. My soul is still the same one that felt the power of those stars years ago. I can learn to constantly adapt to what the world hands me, but my soul, my spirit, who I really am . . . that has never changed. That part of me remains exactly as it was when my Maker gave me life. Wow. What a difference a star makes, eh?

look for me another day

There's a feeling that I remember - a feeling that I hope everyone remembers. The feeling of comfort. The feeling of being wrapped up in goodness. When someone literally holds you and allows you to lean your head against their heart and weep. It's difficult to describe, but it's the only way that I know how to explain this feeling that I'm having right now . . . only on a completely different level. That feeling is what surrounds me when I listen to the innocence mission. it's as if the song is taking my soul, wrapping it in its arms and allowing it to weep. allowing it to open up emotionally and weep. one song in particular has brought this thought process about. "Lakes of Canada". There have been several nights in my life when I have just put this song on repeat and gone into a state of comfort. Tonight was a particularly rough night and as I drove home from a 13 hour day, ate a late dinner, wrapped up the day and prepared for bed, "our harry" popped into my head. I'm glad it did. I feel much better now . . . but mainly thanks to this one beautiful, sorrowful yet hopeful song. Sufjan Stevens put it much better than I can:

"I'm in awe of big songs, national anthems, rock opera, the Broadway musical. But what I always come back to, after the din and drum roll, is the small song that makes careful observations about everyday life. This is what makes the music by The Innocence Mission so moving and profound. 'Lakes of Canada' creates an environment both terrifying and familiar using sensory language: incandescent bulbs and rowboats are made palpable by careful rhythms, unobtrusive rhyme schemes, and specificity of language. What is so remarkable about Karen Peris' lyrics are the economy of words, concrete nouns - fish, flashlight, laughing man - which come to life with melodies that dance around the scale like sea creatures. Panic and joy, a terrible sense of awe, the dark indentations of memory all come together at once, accompanied by the joyful strum of an acoustic guitar. This is a song in which everyday objects begin to have tremendous meaning.

It is a beautiful song. You can hear a clip of it here in quicktime or the full song here.

"Look for me another time, give me another day. I feel that I could change."

Rainy Days and Mondays

I woke up with a stomach bug of some sort today. I'm now home, trying to get my stomach off of my mind. Ugh. Being sick is no fun. Saltine crackers seem to help. It's just an odd day all around. COLD weather. Wet weather. Snow - the day after easter. Hmmmm. Last days? I'm thinkin' yes.

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

Friendship: Part I

I wrote this a few nights ago with the intention of attaching a picture, but I don't have the picture yet. I want to get this started though, so I'll just get the picture up later.

I've decided to do a bit of a series of stories - stories about my life. As I was driving home this evening, I started to think of all of the friends that I've had over the years. Some of them have stuck by me through the thick and thin. some were just there during a small period. the interesting thing is that no matter who they are, I have loved them all. so - I would like to do a bit of a tribute. I don't know how long it will take me . . . I'm thinking it will probably be a life-long project (considering the fact that friends can be made every day). For now I will begin at the beginning - the first friend I can remember.


His name was Mark. His mom and my mom were good friends - and they still are to this day. Mark's mom is disabled and has very little use of her legs. I would have to ask my mom for the details, but I think I must have been 4 or 5 when Mark and I became friends. I'm pretty sure that he was at my 5 year birthday party. My mom would take me to his house while she visited with his mom. And here are the memories:

Mark had a big house - and he had lots of toys too. One of my favorite parts of Mark's house was the cubby hole underneath the stairs. It was a cool hiding place. I remember watching Star Wars with Mark. They must have had a VCR? hmmm . . . I'm really not sure. but I'm positive that I watched Star Wars with him. He had a rocking horse - so we could play cowboys. they had big bean bag chairs too. the play room was in the basement - a nice big carpeted room. The first time I ever played with an etch-a-sketch was at Mark's house. He was a fun friend. Because of the neighborhood that he lived in, his family had access to a pool. I remember going to swim on a couple of different occasions. One of my most vivid memories is of one of those trips to the pool. I specifically remember getting the call at home - then my mom surprising us and telling us we got to go to the pool. that's the first time I remember realizing what it felt like to have butterflies in your stomach.

One of my last memories from my childhood with Mark was getting to play on their computer. I remember putting the hard disk in and playing a game of some sort. It was probably one of the first times I ever got to use a computer.

Eventually as I grew up my mom and his mom visited with each other less frequently and Mark and I didn't get to see each other as much anymore, but I don't think that I will ever forget him. Sure, he had lots of cool things to play with, but more than anything, we were two children who loved to play together. He was my friend. He was the first person I called when I learned how to use a telephone. The innocence and fun of our friendship is a dear memory to me. I don't have many memories of my childhood, so I am grateful that I have kept my time with him safe in my mind.

Next time: Leland. Look forward to Leland. He was my first love. ;)

Until next time. Thanks for Listening.

Soul Meets Body

Man, sometimes it just takes intervention of some sort in order for the message to get through. I've listened to this song several times, and yet I don't think I ever caught the meaning. The first few lines are so symbolic to me. wow. you can click here and listen if you should feel so inclined.

Soul Meets Body
by Death Cab for Cutie

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here

I cannot guess what we'll discover
We turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hand can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Wow. I'm just - really . . . I'm floored. I can't believe that first line never even struck me until now. I want to live where soul meets body.